Well this has come out of the blue. Well, it hasn’t really. Ive been sitting on this post for some time, but I’ve only just decided to post it…with a bit of extra editing.
I don’t know what to do with this blog, I thought this was going to encourage me and make me determined about things, which it did but not enough. I mean I was determined to learn to drive again then pass (I passed my practical driving test by the way….sorry), it’s helped me with my writing skills (although the jury’s still out on that one), and also feel a gained some confidence too.
However all that aside, I feel I’m at a point where I don’t know what i should do with this blog, and I’m at a bit of a cross roads really. I don’t know if I should just walk away, or should I turn right and try again and make this something I would be proud of.
To be honest I’ve been at quite a few cross roads recently (not due to driving either) I’ve been a lot more critical about things and what I should do with my life and where to go. Whether I should stay in this job I’m currently in? Should I try a new endeavour? Should I find someone special to grow old with? Should I stay single? Things like that really.
I think a lot of these thoughts are happening because it’s now dawned on me that I’m not getting any younger and perhaps these paths should have been lined out earlier. To be honest I’m scared to turn around and realise that my entire life has passed by and I’ve not accomplished anything and just meandered through life just staying afloat.
As I write this I can hear my Dad’s saying which I use in such situations “You can never drown in shit!” I asked him once what he meant when he uses it, and he just turned to me and said “no matter how much crap happens around you, and it can build up and up, till it’s underneath your nose. You realise that you won’t physically fall under, cause who wants to drown in shit” I think the real meaning behind it is that there’s always a way out of a problem, all it takes is you to realise and work out what you need to do to sort it. Now you can’t force change unfortunately, but you can try and steer it in a way that those decisions are achievable.
I still think blogging is a good thing for me, so I can express feelings or working out what I’m doing, where I’m going, or what I need to do to get there. At the end of the day and I think this is where I lost interest in blogging and it was the fact I wasn’t writing for myself. Most of what I wrote was me saying “people will find that interesting” or “other people are talking about this, maybe I should”. The other problem is that I was pushing it onto other people (mainly my Facebook friends….who I should apologise too). This should be more for me rather than anyone else.
I do hope i can keep this up even if its just for me, myself and I. The only snag is that i don’t know what i want right now with anything.
So here I am, which way I should go…..sadly only I’m the only one who can decide.
Signing off, but hopefully not for long. LLAP